Unapologetic: Stop Overthinking. Step into Your Power. Live Like a Badass.

In our journey to reclaim our power and live unapologetically, it's essential to embrace the stories that life brings our way. These stories, with their trials and triumphs, shape us into the resilient and empowered individuals we are meant to be.

*I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With The Wolves*

As Clarissa Pinkola Estés beautifully puts it, our experiences—nurtured by our emotions—lead us to blossom into our true selves. May you run with the wolves and unleash the inner badass woman that you are. Embrace vulnerability, let go of overthinking, and step back into your power. Your journey is unique and powerful, and it's time to live it unapologetically.

Often, we find ourselves trapped in a metaphorical "tiger's cage," built from past traumas, toxic relationships, and our own fears and insecurities. Jay Shetty encapsulates this feeling with his poignant observation:

"Having to wonder where you stand with someone is where you stand, because someone who truly appreciates you wouldn't have you questioning where you are in their life." 

This realization hit me hard and inspired a follow-up to my "Tiger's Cage" blog, reflecting on the power of vulnerability and the importance of stepping back into our power.

Reaching a point of unapologetic self-realization, I acknowledged that while I had been doing the work for my growth, I was still allowing toxic behavior to hurt me. If you’re game to come along for the ride, I’d like to go a level deeper.

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Jay Shetty emphasizes that growth isn’t always straightforward; it involves setting boundaries and understanding the lessons we need to learn from repetitive negative experiences. According to Shetty, it’s crucial to detach from the source of toxicity and recognize that setbacks and negative behaviors are opportunities for growth and learning. I’m slowly learning that the energy it takes to react to every bad thing that happens to you drains you and stops you from seeing the other good things in life. This perspective has helped me see that while doing the work is vital, protecting and valuing myself is equally important.

I also realized that there were deeper changes needed for my growth. Dr. Joe Dispenza emphasizes that to change your life, you need to change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. He explains this process in his book "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,"

Dispenza teaches that our habitual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are often hardwired into our brains, creating a cycle that keeps us stuck in the past. To break this cycle, he suggests becoming acutely aware of these automatic responses and then consciously choosing new ways of thinking and acting. By doing this repeatedly, we can rewire our brains to form new neural connections that support a new state of being.

Seeking Validation from Those Who Thrive on Conflict

One of the most challenging aspects of toxic relationships is the incessant need for validation from those who are least likely to provide it. These individuals often thrive on conflict, using manipulation and gaslighting to maintain control. They refuse to take accountability for their actions, leaving us in a constant state of confusion and self-doubt.

In my experience, this dynamic was not confined to a single relationship but was a recurring theme throughout my interactions. The endless cycles of blame and deflection from various individuals mirrored the tumultuous relationship my parents had. It was a never-ending loop of seeking validation, only to be met with more conflict and hurt. The isolation this creates can be devastating, making you feel unseen and unworthy.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a leading expert on narcissistic abuse, explains that this sense of abandonment and isolation is a powerful tool used by toxic individuals to keep us feeling trapped. The people who love and support these toxic individuals often turn against us, making us feel even more isolated. This form of abandonment can leave us feeling as if we have nowhere to turn, reinforcing the sense of powerlessness.

Feeling Trapped and Powerless

Feeling trapped and powerless in certain relationships is a common and deeply painful experience. While it's easy to say we only need validation from ourselves, the uncomfortable truth is that the sting of growth and learning is often felt most acutely when those we love turn their backs on us. This form of abandonment—when people shut their ears to your truth—is particularly hurtful. It's not just about losing their support; it's about feeling rejected by those who should be there for you.

Stepping into Your Power

Stepping into your power means recognizing the strength in your vulnerability and setting necessary boundaries to protect your peace. It's about shifting from feeling trapped and powerless to feeling badass and worthy. Everyone has their own journey, and within those stories of pain and triumph lie the lessons that shape our strength and resilience.

Life often throws us unexpected challenges that make us question our worth and capabilities. We find ourselves asking, “Can I rise above this pain and embrace my destiny? The key is in showing up, sharing your story, and recognizing that not everyone will understand or support you—and that’s okay. What matters most is staying true to yourself.

The Role of Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for reclaiming our power and protecting our emotional well-being. Brené Brown, a leading expert on vulnerability, emphasizes that boundaries are a prerequisite for empathy and compassion. She explains, "Boundaries are not fake walls, they're not separation, boundaries are not division; they are respect. They are here's what's okay for me and here's what's not." By defining what is acceptable and what is not, we protect our mental health and make choices that align with our values and needs.

When Boundaries Are Disrespected

But what happens when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries? When boundaries are ignored or violated, it can lead to significant emotional distress. It erodes trust and creates an environment where you feel unsafe and disrespected. This lack of respect can manifest in various ways, including constant interruptions, disregard for your time or feelings, and attempts to manipulate or control you.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula highlights that in relationships with narcissistic individuals, boundary violations are particularly challenging. Narcissists often undermine communication, making it difficult to assert and maintain boundaries. They may put words in your mouth, make assumptions about your intentions, and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. This behavior creates a toxic dynamic where your boundaries are continuously tested and disrespected.

Living Unapologetically

Dr. Ramani also emphasizes that we should never apologize for expressing ourselves or for having boundaries. Apologizing for our feelings or needs diminishes our sense of self-worth and gives others power over us. When we apologize for expressing our true selves, we inadvertently validate the other person's disrespectful behavior.

In such cases, protecting yourself might involve limiting contact or removing yourself from the relationship altogether. Prioritizing your well-being and surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries is crucial for maintaining your mental and emotional health. By standing up for yourself and enforcing your boundaries, you take an essential step towards reclaiming your power and living a life that aligns with your values.

Leaning Into Vulnerability

Leaning into vulnerability means accepting and embracing our imperfections. It means being honest with ourselves and others about our struggles and fears. Brené Brown's research shows that vulnerability is not a weakness but the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves up to deeper connections and meaningful relationships. Vulnerability is the most beautiful part of ourselves.

However, it's important to recognize that not everyone knows how to be vulnerable, and some may even pretend to be. True vulnerability requires courage and authenticity, while pretending can create barriers rather than bridges. Understanding this distinction helps us navigate our relationships with more empathy and wisdom.

By letting go of the need to react or control, we can embrace the power of vulnerability and transform our lives. As Jay Shetty wisely said, "I'm slowly learning that even if I react, it won't change anything, it won’t make people suddenly love and respect me, it won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes it's better to just let things be." - or just let go.

Regina <3