We’ve talked about the physical elements that come into play with addiction, but there’s another key factor that often flies under the radar: spirituality. A huge piece of the addiction puzzle is in releasing control, relinquishing ego, and actually surrendering to something greater than yourself. That’s why the first two steps in the 12 Steps of AA/NA is,
“1) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
The biggest thing blocking me from actually surrendering and releasing control over Johnny’s battle with addiction was fear. I thought that, if I gave up control, that meant losing Johnny. I doubted the system’s ability to actually save my son, and that feeling was only reiterated after he got kicked out of rehab three different times. I saw him asking for help, and no one else coming to his rescue. How could I, as his mom, not respond to him crying out, especially when no one else was?
During his last month in L.A., I gave up control. I realized that I couldn’t save him, that I had to turn it over to him to do that. That didn’t mean I stopped supporting him. However, love -- the hard, excruciatingly painful kind -- overcame fear in this instance, and that meant relying on nothing but hope and faith to pull us through. Despite this being one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, releasing Johnny into hands beyond my own wound up giving him the chance to really reflect on the decisions he was making and the kind of life he wanted to have.
Part of releasing control and surrendering is relying on guidance from someone larger than ourselves. I may have “released” Johnny for a season, but I believe God guided me to bring him back home just weeks later. We barely talked, but during one phone call, I noticed the brokenness in his voice that left me realizing it was time to get him. Had I not surrendered beforehand, Johnny wouldn’t have faced some pivotal life lessons he needed to encounter, and had I not followed that gut-intuition to go get him, Johnny may not even be here today.
When we’re faced with trauma, we’re forced to look for answers or things we can’t find on the internet or amongst our friends. We embark on this journey into dependency -- a reliance on Someone much greater than ourselves -- and that feeling is uncomfortable. And yet, it’s so much better this way, to begin placing our faith in something completely beyond ourselves.
But why should we give up control? Why’s surrendering so hard? Why are we afraid to connect to something beyond ourselves?
This is a safe space to open up the conversation. If there’s anything you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment below with your stories and experiences. I’d love to incorporate your insights into future blogs, and help explore difficult topics and questions together.
-Regina <3
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