I’m learning to trust that life unfolds as it must, and that genuine connection and growth are only possible when we Let Them be who they truly are. We’re all on our own journey, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t change or dictate another person’s choices or the outcome of every situation. When we step back, people will eventually show us who they truly are. All the managing and pushing we do—believing it will somehow secure our happiness—usually ends up fueling more suffering.
I’ve always been driven by a genuine desire to care for others—family, friends, my children - all humans. Seeing anyone in pain, sick, suffering, or struggling weighed heavily on me, compelling me to act. My intention was always to offer support and assistance, but in doing so, I sometimes assumed responsibilities that were beyond my role, unintentionally stepping into areas that felt controlling. This behavior was influenced by my upbringing, as illustrated in my book, Echoes of Helen, where I observed my mother, Helen, and her loved ones navigating life under constant stress.
I've spent most of my life trying to hold everything together. I’d anticipate people’s needs, provide emotional support, solve their problems, and be the glue that kept everyone and everything in place—keeping my family united, sustaining my marriage, striving to save it all. In the relentless effort to mend every rift and soothe every worry, I never paused to ask: Who was there for me while I was trying to be everything for everyone?
On the surface, it may seem altruistic—supporting loved ones, being their pillar of strength. However, beneath that selfless exterior lay a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment. My actions were not merely about helping others; they were driven by a deep-seated calling to support and uplift those I cared about. Seeing my loved ones succeed, follow their dreams, and thrive in happiness and health ignited a sense of joy and accomplishment within me. This fulfillment came from witnessing their abundance in every aspect of their lives.
Yet, amidst this dedication, I recognized that my own sense of self-worth was intrinsically linked to my ability to help others. I wasn’t seeking validation or support from them; instead, I needed to nurture and affirm my own worthiness from within. The longing I felt was not about being valued by others, but about cultivating a strong, self-sustained sense of self-worth. I realized that true fulfillment comes from within, and relying solely on external validation can lead to emotional exhaustion and imbalance.
It’s only now, while exploring the idea of The Let Them Theory, that I recognize how much I was sacrificing my own well-being in the process. Letting go isn’t about giving up on love or relationships—it’s about releasing the illusion of control and honoring everyone’s free will.
THE HIGH COST OF CONSTANT GIVING
It's important to clarify that my drive to help others stems from love. Expressing these feelings is challenging, but when I was struggling, I didn't experience the same level of care that I extended to others. I felt isolated, judged, and shamed for stepping up and asking for what I needed. For instance, when I reached out -- during a particularly tough time, instead of finding support, I felt dismissed and guilty for seeking help. I believed that communicating with pure vulnerability and honesty would make me heard, but perhaps others weren't ready to engage or needed to address their own issues first. While it's no one's responsibility to fix me, showing that you matter can profoundly alter someone's experience, making them feel valued and supported during their difficult moments.
However, this constant giving came at a high cost. I often felt drained and unheard, carrying the weight of others' struggles without receiving the same support in return. Over time, the exhaustion built up, and I began to realize that my efforts were not yielding the fulfillment I had hoped for. The root of this was my need to feel worthy of love and acceptance, believing that by fixing others, I was securing their love for me. This expectation placed a tremendous burden on myself, leading to feelings of inadequacy when others couldn't or wouldn't respond as I hoped. There came a pivotal moment when I felt like I was being walked over—my own needs sidelined in the relentless pursuit of helping others. This realization was the fire I needed to confront and say, This isn't okay.
Just as Mel Robbins encourages us to take proactive steps in transforming our lives, I began to implement small but significant changes in my daily routine to focus on my own well-being.
I’m learning to trust that life unfolds as it must, and that genuine connection and growth are only possible when I embrace others as they truly are, and they embrace me as I truly am.
CELEBRATING VULNERABLITY AND LEARNING FROM FAILURE
Embracing vulnerability and facing failure head-on requires immense strength and courage. It’s about owning your story, acknowledging your struggles, letting them transform those experiences into powerful lessons.
THE IMPACT OF LET THEM THEROY
Let Them means something different for everyone, but at its core, it’s about releasing your grip. It says:
Let them not call you back.
Let them choose a different path than you would have.
Let them make mistakes—maybe even fail.
Let them walk away if they must.
This doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop letting other people’s choices define your worth or dictate your peace. And that’s a significant shift.
I won’t lie: this can be scary. If you’re used to orchestrating outcomes, Let Them feels like relinquishing control—and in many ways, it is. But within that surrender, I’ve literally discovered a new level of emotional freedom. You also learn that sometimes, when you step back, people step forward in ways you never expected.
HEALING GENERATIONAL PATTERNS
In Echoes of Helen, I detail how my family’s struggles and triumphs echoed through generations. My mother and her mother before her navigated life with this same sense of hypervigilance—believing it was safer to keep everyone close rather than letting them breathe. Over time, I realized that by clinging to this inherited script, I was reinforcing a cycle of worry, stress, and sometimes codependency.
Embracing Let Them has been a powerful way to break that generational chain. Instead of repeating old patterns, I can create a new legacy—one where love is unconditional, boundaries are respected, and personal responsibility is honored. It’s like an emotional exhale for everyone involved.
PRACTICAL WAYS TO LET THEM
Drawing inspiration from Mel Robbins’ empowering strategies, here are practical steps you can take to embrace the “Let Them” mindset:
Pause and Use the 5-Second Rule
When you feel the urge to fix something for someone else—whether it’s sending a frantic text, offering unsolicited advice, or stepping in to mediate—apply Mel Robbins’ 5-Second Rule. Count down from five and take a deliberate action to either step back or choose a different response. This simple technique helps interrupt automatic reactions and creates space for more mindful decision-making.
Set Clear Boundaries with Confidence
Yours and theirs. If someone’s decision affects you directly, it’s okay to communicate what you need or what you’re willing to accept. Let Them doesn’t mean you abandon self-respect; it means you respect their autonomy without sacrificing your own.
Take Daily Action Steps for Self-Care
Identify small, actionable steps you can take each day to redirect your energy inward. This might include setting aside time for self-care activities like reading, journaling, exercising, or practicing mindfulness. Mel Robbins advocates for consistent, small actions that build momentum towards larger, positive changes in your life.
Embrace Discomfort and Push Through Fear
Letting go can be uncomfortable and scary, but it’s a necessary part of growth. Embrace this discomfort as a sign that you’re moving in the right direction. Use techniques like visualization or positive affirmations to push through the fear of relinquishing control. Mel often speaks about the importance of pushing through fear to achieve personal breakthroughs and greater emotional freedom.
Reflect and Celebrate Your Progress
At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on how you applied the Let Them mindset. Celebrate even the smallest victories, such as resisting the urge to control a situation or allowing someone to handle their own challenges. Acknowledging your progress reinforces the positive changes you’re making, aligning with Mel’s emphasis on celebrating action steps and building self-trust.
Create a Personal Action Plan
Develop a simple action plan outlining specific situations where you tend to control outcomes. For each situation, decide in advance how you will apply the Let Them mindset. For instance, if you often step in to solve a problem, plan to instead ask how you can support them without taking over. Having a clear plan helps you stay committed to letting go and honoring others’ free will.
Utilize Affirmations to Reinforce Trust
Incorporate affirmations into your daily routine to strengthen your self-trust and reduce the need to control others. Phrases like I trust others to handle their own journeys or Letting go brings me peace can rewire your mindset over time, making it easier to embrace the Let Them philosophy consistently.
FINDING PEACE AND AUTHENTICITY
One of the greatest gifts of Let Them is how it creates authenticity in relationships. When people stay in your life, it’s because they choose to be there, not because you’ve been orchestrating their every move. And that choice is incredibly validating and liberating for both parties.
Moreover, it gives you the freedom to be who you truly are. No more hiding your own needs. No more stepping into the role of perpetual caretaker or problem-solver. It’s a relief to realize you don’t have to save everyone for them to love you or for you to be worthy.
GENTLE INVITATION
Recently, I just finally had an aha moment and felt called to write this blog and share it with you. If you find yourself resonating with these words—maybe you, too, feel the weight of always trying to keep it all together—I invite you to explore the Let Them mindset in your own life. It’s not a quick fix, but a shift in perspective that can transform how you relate to others and to yourself.
Journal Prompt: Reflect on one area where you’ve been trying to control another’s actions or emotional state. Write down what might happen if you allowed them to handle it on their own. How would that feel?
Let Them—Today: Try letting go in one small situation today. Maybe it’s not reminding a friend about a task or letting a sibling learn from their own missteps. Observe how it affects your stress level and the dynamics between you.
Over time, you may discover that letting them do what they will—even if it means they walk away—is an act of faith in yourself, in them, and in life. In that faith, you’ll find a surprising dose of peace and clarity.
~ Regina <3
Let them